"Personal is not the same as important. People just think it is." Terry Pratchett

Hey. Just got back from the doctor's a while ago. The new meds are working and slowly but gradually Susan is becoming her old self again. It is far from alright and she still needs to be extremely cautious and careful but there's no fear in it anymore. Susan does not have cancer, ladies and gents. She has NOT left the building. She is very much IN the building, as much IN it as she could possibly be. Although this experience has not been overall a pleasant one and Susan would not recommend it to anyone (well, maybe to some people she genuinely dislikes, but hey, that's Susan), she has learned an important lesson, be it the hard way. Namely, she's learned to enjoy life while it lasts because come June it could be over. It has made her stronger and more independent, since all throughout this time she was more or less alone. She now knows she needs to change, and she knows WHY. She knows she had been a control freak, she knows how and why she can be annoying and she is truly willing to change that, because, and this is just a long shot but go with it, she does NOT want to die alone. She knows the power of going through life with a smile instead of a grin and she is going to give it a serious try. She knows she needs to let go of some things which were eating her inside and were to her soul truly what cancer would have been to her body. She knows to put herself first a little more and remember that people are adults and are able to function without her. She knows she is an adult and is able to function on her own, but NOT alone. She now knows that despite everything she has been telling herself and others for the past 15 years, she DOES need people to function properly, because she is a Giver. She knows she needs to love and not to deny herself this right just because she feels she does not deserve it. She knows she DOES deserve it. She has learned that forgiving and forgetting are two completely different things and is now learning to forGET. And she is going to get her act together and finally make something of herself, to have something to show for herself when her number is up. And, she has learned that turning points may come in all shapes and sizes and you never know what is going to be one for you. I know I had mine, and I wish everybody had at least ONE in their lives. You live, you learn. Cheers.:)